A Clean Sweep

Last Friday, in a tri-meet that featured Oregon State (1-3, 0-2 Pac-10) and UC Santa Barbara (2-1), the No. 15 UCLA women’s swim team (3-0, 1-0 Pac-10) fed off each others’ performances to defeat the Beavers, 174-71 and the Gauchos, 161-84.

The Bruins (3-0) have maintained a “no fear” mentality that would cohesively defend their house.

From the opening 200 medley to the closing 400 freestyle relay, the team maintained a level of energy that both the Beavers and Gauchos couldn’t quite match.

“We were all pumped up from the relays, the 1000 freestyle, and we were excited that the freshmen stepped up,” said sophomore Brittany Beauchan, who finished second in the 100 breaststroke. “Everything fell into place. I was pumped up just watching them.”
Freshman Jennifer Lamb began the afternoon by taking the 1000 free in 10:09.85.
The Bruins went on to take the next 9 of 13 events while breaking nine event records and setting an astounding 27 season-best times.

Senior Anna Poteete out-touched UCSB All-American Anne Marie May on the last three strokes to win by five hundredths of a second in the 50 free.

“We won a lot of the close races,” said swim coach Cyndi Gallagher. “It’s huge. It’s always a good sign when you’re not letting anyone pass you.”

Poteete also out-dueled three-time Oregon State’s Saori Haruguchi, who was also an All-American and Olympic qualifier, on the last leg to capture first place in the 200 free.

“Anna showed a lot of heart,” said Gallagher. “She beat a tough NCAA All-American swimmer at the very end.”
This perhaps set the tone for the rest of the afternoon.
Freshman Yashi Jahanshahi then went on to set meet records in the 100 (55.83) and 200 (2:00.92) butterfly.
Sophomore 400 IM swimmer Lauren Hall and sophomore 500 free swimmer Emily Bibb also took first place in their respective events.
Senior Madeleine Stanton took both the 100 (56.36) and 200 backstroke (2:01.22).
“The times were great; they were better than last week,” said Gallagher. “Their stroke technique was definitely better.”

Practice is something Gallagher has emphasized throughout the season.

“We are going to have hard practices,” said Gallagher. “We’re never going to back off. This will help us to never back down in a meet.”

Veteran’s Day isn’t a holiday for swimmers.

“We’ve been tougher on them to make sure they pay attention to the details,” said Gallagher. “If they don’t do the drills right, they do it over. I make them do it all the time. I make them pay attention, but they are open to change.”

Tomorrow, the swim team will take to the pool at seven in the morning to begin yet another day of rigorous practice.

“They have to get better coming into every practice,” said Gallagher. “We have to continue to improve.”

The Bruins will be tested on Friday with No. 16 Arizona State and on Saturday with No. 4 Arizona.

“We are going to have to show the same type of determination to get to the wall first,” said Gallagher.

With the seniors leading and the team working hard together, two victories next week may not be a far-fetched idea.

“We train hard day in and day out in the pool, so we can have great arms great legs for those last 25 meters into the wall,” said senior IM swimmer Kristen Fischer. “We’ve improved over the past two weeks, so we are definitely excited to see what we can do next weekend.”

With first-meet jitters out of the way, the No. 19 UCLA women’s swimming team has devoted the past week primarily focusing on the fundamentals in preparation for today’s meet against Oregon State and UC Santa Barbara.

This past week’s practice was a return to the basics and consisted of running, swimming, weights and a lot of repetition.

“Practice is grueling, but at the same time, since all of us are doing it, we all get each other through it,” said freshman individual medley swimmer Paige Treleven. “We have eight freshmen, so having eight people helping each other out is really supportive.”

The team also worked extensively on refining relays, technique and form.

“We want to make swimming as effortless as possible,” coach Cyndi Gallagher said. “All swimmers work hard. We try to work smart. As coaches, we try to make (the swimmers) aware of how to make themselves better.”

Tuesday’s practice focused primarily on the freshmen.

“We’ve thrown a lot of stuff on the freshmen,” Gallagher said.

Although it is still early in the year, the freshmen have contributed immediately. Freshman Yasi Jahanshahi won both the 100 and 200 butterfly races against the San Diego Toreros.

But there were still specific areas Gallagher wanted to address.

“Their technique isn’t quite there yet,” Gallagher said. “Some are hesitant to change (their technique) because they have been so successful at it. However, when they want to go fast, they are actually going slower, because they’re fighting with the water. We don’t want them to do that.”

“She stops me all the time to help me out,” Jahanshahi said.

This year, the freshmen have an opportunity to play a leadership role. For the first time, captains will rotate every meet, which may help team chemistry.

“It affects our performance, because everyone is rooting for each other,” Treleven said.

“Everyone has the same goal, and everyone is doing everything we can to reach that goal. That makes me want to be a better swimmer.”

As for today’s meet, Oregon State (1-1, 0-1 Pac-10) boasts several key individual swimmers, including star freshman and freestyle swimmer Jenni Dole who swam in Olympic trials last summer.

UCSB (1-0) has vastly improved from one season ago. Though UCLA defeated the Gauchos early last season, UCSB eventually captured a Big West Championship and finished its 2008 campaign with a strong performance at NCAAs. UCSB boasts the return of the core of last year’s team, led by junior sprinter Anna May and senior breaststroker Katy Freeman.

When asked if today’s meet is a must-win in the wake of a long Pac-10 season, Gallagher said, “We just want to swim fast. If we don’t win, it’s not the end of the world. It’s going to be a good race. It’s going to come down to who wants it more.”

Mistakes plague Bruins, fall to Bears 41-20

Perhaps it was just a little too much euphoria.

After an emotional homecoming victory at the Rose Bowl against Stanford last Saturday, the California Bears (5-2, 3-1 Pac-10) shoved, beat down, and demoralized an optimistic Bruin team, 41-20, at Memorial Stadium on Saturday.

Mistakes, untimely errors, and poor decisions resulted in a ghastly stat-line on both sides of the ball.

Junior quarterback Kevin Craft threw four picks – three in the first half.

"I don't think four picks, two of them for touchdowns, is good play by any quarterback," Craft said.

The numbers in the second half could have mirrored that of his first had the Cal defense gripped his overthrown footballs a little more tightly.

Junior Cal defensive back Marcus Ezeff returned one for 69 yards in the second quarter to give the Bears a double digit lead.

If that was a momentum shifter, than Mike Mohammed’s 19-yard touchdown return in the fourth quarter supplanted the Bruins firmly into a spiraling abyss.

Craft has thrown 11 interceptions and seven touchdown passes this season.

His bipolar play – headiness in the second halves against Tennessee and Stanford – and terribly inaccurate play in the first halves of both those games – has given Neuheisel reason to open up quarterback competition.

"The idea is to evaluate everybody, and Kevin will be under evaluation and we'll decide who gives us the best chance to win," Neuheisel said.

As if that weren’t enough, UCLA netted just 16 yards on the ground.

The patchwork offensive line keeled over and over again, which has also allowed 3.0 sacks a game this season, tied for 112th in the nation.

“We have not achieved the ability to take pressure off our quarterback by just being able to hand off and make four-, five-, six-yard gains,” explained a understandably frustrated Coach Rick Neuheisel.

Back-up redshirt freshman quarterback Chris Forcier, who replaced Craft in the fourth quarter, was the leading rusher.

His lone carry nearly amounted to half of UCLA’s total ground production.

Senior running back Kahlil Bell had just 5 yards on 6 carries. Meanwhile, the Bears gained 234 yards rushing, with Jahvid Best contributing 116 off just 17 carries.
The Bruins have now given up more than 200 yards rushing in three consecutive games.

Despite this, Neuheisel has taken this plight in positive light – strictly adhering to his “relentlessly positive” mantra.

"We're not right now currently involved in the Pacific 10 title race, so this is an opportunity to get some valuable experience for our young players," said Neuheisel.

The Bruins did have a 7-3 lead when Freshman safety Glenn Love recovered a blocked punt in the first quarter.

But nothing else would click for the Bruins.

Down 20-13 in the fourth, the Bruins turned to punter Aaron Perez – not to boot a 67 yard punt as he did earlier in the game– but to convert a fourth-and 23 - using his arms.

The pass to Courtney Viney amassed 22 yards – a yard short.

The very next play from scrimmage, Cal quarterback Kevin Riley bombed a 53-yard flew flicker into endzone to give the Bears a double-digit lead they would never fail to relinquish.

UCLA (3-5, 2-3 Pac-10) now has to take three of the next four games to become bowl eligible. Two games are on the road; UCLA has yet to win a game away from the Rose Bowl.

"In the back of our heads, you know about the bowl stuff, but you try not to think about that," UCLA defensive tackle Brigham Harwell said. "We're trying to win a game right now. That's what we're trying to do. We don't think about bowl games. We are trying to get another victory."

Darius, Darius

It’s been two years since Darius Miles stepped onto a basketball court.

This season, barring another knee mishap, drugs, and other 10 game suspensions, Miles seeks redemption – on a team that has brought grit, guts, and glory back to a team that had once taken a step back into its own shadow.

His rookie season, he hit the center stage with as much baggage as hair.

He hit the back of the rim on three point attempts (one of nineteen his rookie season) as much as he shone on the defensive end (1.5 blocks).

Before the limelight shone, before the drugs, before the injury, he was next. He was supposed to be a hit. The IT.

IT was his. The Clippers took it. Malnourished him.

A teenager in an atmosphere so toxic made him a product of his environment.

Remember those dunks?

Remember the injury?

He’s back hitting tip of the backboard square with ease.

He’s also taking the minimum paycheck.

A far cry from being the third pick.

Let’s just hope redemption is near.

Movie Review: Burn After Reading

A flash for the dramatic has always been the staple of the Coen Brothers’ filmwork.

Always perfectly cast, brilliantly written (smart), their work has also been recognized simply as America’s best (No Country for Old Men).

The same reaches to a certain extent in Burn After Reading, their latest release.

Linda Litzke, J.K Simmons, Brad Pitt – they were brilliant.

Perhaps a more likeable George Clooney, or maybe more dim-witted (not smart), would make the basis of the movie – confusion – work for the better.

But the plot – which is much less complex then intended – failed to capture my attention and barely reached imaginative (not very smart).

It’s basically the traditional triangle of love– if you call Clooney’s love sincere. After all, he’s a female-preying-on-the-internet-predator that falls into the lap of a hapless Linda Litzke, whose overall air headedness complements Brad Pitt’s.

They take a CD they find at the fitness center they work at – and because of Litzke’s unsatisfactory love life – she goes, yes, online to find people like George Clooney on the other end – and demand money from a Russian embassy – for Litzke to get plastic surgery.

Though the CD does belong to an alcoholic washed-up ex-CIA John Malkovich, it contains information of little consequence, which irks not only an inflamed Malkovich (at the pair’s stupidity), but falsely alerts the CIA headquarters, whose head – J.K. Simmons, orders the disposal of all bodies involved without hesitation.

Think Simmons as the Spiderman newspaper editor – he’s right on.

So now you’re left with Litzke meeting Clooney, yes, online, who then proceeds to sleep with Malkovich’s wife, then finds out that his very own wife has been mulling divorce, and in-fact does have another man on the side.

Pitt finds himself in Malkovich’s apartment – to ‘investigate” – and shoots himself with Clooney’s gun.

So Clooney flees. Litzke is left love-less and money-less. The end.

Brad Pitt, for as little face-time he did get, stole the show from a narcissistic Clooney.

Perhaps his best exchange is with a baffled Malkovich over the phone: “Osbourne Cox? I thought you might be wooorrried...about the secuuurrrity...of your shit.”

And in person (after being threatened): “You thought it was a Schwinn.”

And like his stupidity, the overdrawn and over-complex plot takes a turn for the worse – when Pitt dies.

Inconclusive, inconsequential closure gives way to more confusion. But not the smart kind.

It’s the kind that cries, “Why?”

1929 doesn't look so bad

Football is often called a game of inches.

On Saturday, BYU and UCLA were separated by a few miles and then some.

Cougar quarterback Max Hall looked like Joe Namath, picking apart the Bruin secondary with four touchdown scores within the first five minutes of the second quarter.

It didn’t help that Labor Day Wonderboy Kevin Craft and his backfield looked like schoolboys bobbling a wet bar of soap.

3 fumbles lost. One pick. Countless dropped passes.

I guess, if you're Rick Neuheisel, four interceptions are better than four fumbles.

Either way, the UCLA defense was slumbering, perhaps being hung over an improbable victory over Tennessee two weeks prior.

If the defense was slumbering, the offense was in hibernation.

The Bruins sleepwalked to nine rushing yards.

Even Kai Forbath, probably the best player on the team, missed both of his field goal attempts.

For a UCLA team that started the season so upstart, so upbeat, the Bruins crawled back into their Den petrified after being bombed by a persistent, statement-seeking Cougar offense.

At least the Bruins have awakened from hibernation.

I hope.

Meanwhile, the Trojans dismantled the hapless Ohio State Buckeye team, along with its arrogant Big Ten Conference.

Rey Maualuga sums it up the best after he returned an interception for a touchdown: “It looked like I was Marcus Allen, with my Heisman skills and 4.2 speed.”

Marcus Allen was in attendance. Ray Small was too. But he spent most of the night watching the Trojan offense dismantle a less-than-impressive Buckeye defense.

And how bout those Auburn Tigers?

Winning 3-2?

The Dodgers scored five runs.

I guess you can call it a game of inches. After all.

Relentless. Optimism.

“I planted wrong and it tore.”

“The rest of 2007, I stayed home, watched games on TV and waited for the days to go by.”

Against BYU, two games in the 2007 season, Harwell tore the medial collateral ligament in his left knee.

Not like this was of any hardship UCLA defensive tackle Brigham Harwell has experienced.

Harwell epitomizes Rick Neuheisel’s unwavering mantra – “relentlessly optimistic.”

An upbringing that saw a car for a shelter, Harwell’s athletic career was of less importance than his day-to-day life.

His parents divorced in the fourth grade.

Harwell has eight siblings.

By the time he was in sixth grade, Brigham lived in the car with his mother and two other siblings.

They showered at friends’ houses and went to the library after school to do homework – there was no light in the car.

The state then declared his mother unfit for raising the children.

The three were placed in foster care.

Until Williams gained custody of Harwell before his freshman year at Los Altos High School in Hacienda Heights.

Still, Brigham did whatever it took to help out. He cut grass in the summer to help pay for his own expenses; he looked after his 5-year-old nephew, Jeremey, who is autistic.

But then, the Williams family moved to Chino Hills, an hour away from Los Altos.

Brigham didn’t want to transfer, so a neighbor drove one hour each way to pick up then drop off Harwell at Los Altos.

Through all of this, he maintained a B average in high school and was ½ sacks short of the high school record. He recorded 22 sacks in his senior season.

“Now, I'm living it up. Living on my own, in a dorm. It's great, but back then, I look back and I didn't know if I was going to eat one day, or sleep or shower. From sixth grade through high school, I can name so many friends, and their parents, that helped me out.”

You can also list the arthroscopic surgeries he’s had. The torn meniscus. The sprained ankle. A ripped ligament.

So what’s a torn MCL to him?

Since then, Harwell has trimmed to a chiseled 280 pounds and now bench presses 440 pounds.

In his first game in over a year, he forced Tennessee’s Arian Foster to fumble on a critical drive on the 6 yard line. He had five tackles – all solo.

He’s come a long way - from the trunk of a beaten-down Chevy to first-team all conference performer to candidate for the Outland Trophy, and now a solid NFL prospect.

"I've been telling myself, 'Brigham, it's your year,' like it's the last season in the world."

I’m guessing the mantra is still relentlessly optimistic.

The "Multi-Talented" Greg Oden

At first glance there’s not much to say.

Other than he’s a buff, big bearded, black, big guy.

But then you see him on the court. Blocking shots. Dominating games.

Well, alright, he probably plays basketball.

He’s one-dimensional.

Lethargic. Lazy. Not into the game.

And he disappears. After all the hype. After one injury.

Yet great things were promised. Perhaps if he showed more emotion.

And now, he’s done with rehab, and his effort in the weight room has been less than that.

"I haven't seen Greg play basketball yet, but as far as work ethic, he is right up there with Scottie Pippen, Detlef Schrempf and Damon Stoudamire as the best I've seen,'' Jensen said. "He's a hard worker, very determined.''

Perhaps a little too much. He’s pumped so much iron that he’s amassed 30 pounds – from 250 to 280.

He’s been dominating summer league runs – and if he can swat and jam, at 280 pounds - Dwight Howard will have to face someone that rivals his own athleticism.

But probably what you didn’t know is his sense of humor. An instant commercial classic.

Then he sings. Well, he tries.

But that characteristic is infectious, pervasive. Excellent for a team.

Who wouldn’t want a guy like this?

What you may know is that the Blazers, assuming that Oden returns full force, will be a contender in the heated West.

With All-Star Brandon Roy, wings Martell Webster and Travis Outlaw, combined with the front-court threats of LaMarcus Aldridge and Greg Oden, Paul Allen really has something going in Portland.

And who's leading the charge?

A resurgent, hungry, definitely-not-one-dimensional Greg Oden.

The Beginning

Fall seven times, get up eight.

This beginning sounds like a Dwayne Wade commercial.

As maddenly inconsistent or consistently stoic you can call the Dodgers, they’ve stormed into first place in the NL West.

It’s not much of a feat, considering the Dodgers wave a 72-70 record, but it’s a far cry from where the team was just a week ago, after a seven game losing streak.

What has remained, however, throughout the slump and the streak, is Manny Ramirez’s irreplaceable energy and eccentric demeanor.

Call him the kid.

Other than his notable sound bites, his presence in the dugout is a tremendous addition, contrasting to the self-absorbed Jeff Kent.

Now that Kent’s considering season-ending surgery, Ramirez’s leadership is to be counted upon for the home stretch, as the Dodgers look to win their first major league post-season game in over a decade.

Take this:

“Manny Ramirez holds up his glove before the game. "It's illegal," he says.The glove is red, white and blue, so the obvious conclusion is the colors aren't within the rules.

"It's illegal," Ramirez explains, while always mocking his own shortcomings, "because it catches everything," and everyone in the clubhouse laughs.”

Or this:

"It starts late in the game," Manager Joe Torre says with a grin. "I'll hear, 'Joe, Joe,' from the end of the dugout and it's Manny looking for me to take him out, and I just point to left field."

He's always messing with me. I asked him if he wanted to face the Arizona left-hander and he says, 'Why don't you put in one of your young players,' and I have to tell him, 'Don't tell me how to manage.' Then he sits next to Greg Maddux and tells him how he got me."

Or this: a .410 batting average, with 11 homers and 34 RBI’s – in a month.

This beginning – you can call it that – possibly signifies a new era in Dodger baseball.

The Dodgers took out then first place-Arizona's feared duo - Haren and Webb - and torn them to shreds - twice.

How so?

Perhaps its the lively dugout, complete with booming music, instead of a listless and passive underground audience.

Or maybe the free flowing dreadlocks, baggy pants, and boxes of bubble bubble.

Either way, Los Angeles is piling into the Chavez Ravine to watch the Blue Crew defend first place.

Where will the Dodgers be in a month?

Who knows?

At least this is the good beginning.

And it's destiny is resting on the shoulders of a 36-year-old kid.

Common Sense

“I cannot stand the Buckeyes.”

“It’s amazing to hear what those guys think about that university and what they think about that football program and Tressel and all the crap I gotta put up with being back there.”

“I just can’t wait [until] SC comes to the ‘Shoe [and] pound on them in their own turf.”

“I’m really getting sick of it, and I just can’t wait for this game to get here so they can come out to the Coliseum and experience LA and get an old-fashioned Pac-10 butt-whoopin’ and go back to the Big Ten.”

- Carson Palmer

There are very few things I agree with anything that comes from that other school, but for the moment, there is actually something else I despise more.

Carson and I have something in common.

Aside from being good-looking athletes, we both despise the Buckeye Nation and its incessant vocal pollution.

"How are they successful? They're not even serious about the game," said Buckeyes wide receiver Ray Small said.

Small described the difference between the programs as, "a class thing."

"Here at Ohio State, they teach you to be a better man," Small said. "There, it's just all about football."

With the lackluster performance on Saturday against Ohio, Rey Maualuga must be licking his chops, waiting to knocksomeSmallsense into the Buckeyes, and Mr. Ray Small.

Acting 101

Soccer players should be given Oscars.

They flail in every which way, tumbling yards across the field. Sometimes, they all fall down.

This art was first initiated by the Italians, imported, sadly, to the States, and now perfected by the Chinese.

After a game like that, it’s hard to question why American journalists have bashed on the non-contact sport Europeans call “football.”

This acting business has even pervaded to the NBA.

It’s like a toxin.

Well, I guess, in this sense, Manu Ginobli makes his living.

If only Manu Ginobli played football. The Brian Urlacher kind.

No wonder it’s a technical foul now to flop.

It’s pathetic. It’s time consuming. It’s self-seeking.

It’s un-American.

Now here comes Novak Djokovic, a Serbian tennis player, whose outlandish acts mirror those of these soccer players. And Manu Ginobli.

He’s listed his injuries – a hyperextended hip, hard breathing, stomachache, two rolled ankles, among others.

And this prompted Roddick to say, "He's either quick to call the trainer, or he's the most courageous guy of all time. I think it's up for you guys to decide."

After the entire list of injuries was presented to him, he went on and added to the list, “Bird Flue. Anthrax. SARS. Common cough and cold.”

This did give a huge chip to Djokovic, who used this as an “advantage.”

Djokovic then disposed of Roddick and was interviewed him on a live mic in stadium, on the USA network.

Remember he’s playing on USA soil.

"You know, Andy was saying I have 16 injuries in the last match," he said. "Obviously, I don't -- right?"

And when the crowd started raining boos, he added, "They're already against me because they think I'm faking everything, so it's all right.”

And to attempt to make it up, concluded, “"That's not nice, anyhow, to say in front of the crowd that I have 16 injuries and that I'm faking it.”

See the interview.

So what can you call this European game?

Finesse?

More like bending the rules of sports.

Not to mention etiquette.

Of course, it’s up to the attacked to maintain his composure.

But whatever it takes to win, right?

Good luck, Novak.

Try fazing Federer.

Rock Chalk! Rock Chalk!

Bill Self might be a little uneasy.

No, it can’t be the outlook of the coming 2008-2009 season.

It’s a rebuilding year, and Kansas has restocked again – with seven recruits, nonetheless, including the highly coveted Travis Releford.

It’s just six, for the moment.

Incoming freshman Markieff Morris wielded a BB gun and slang a plastic slug at a 47-year-old woman standing in the dorm courtyard.

According to descriptive Associated Press, “Morris is also suspected of using alcohol during the incident.”

What else other than intoxication would demand a 6’ 9” power forward to attack a woman with plastic pebbles?

Unless, of course, you’re puffing on weed and have more than a few women in your room. At the NBA rookie transition program.

I’m surprised Mario Chalmers and Darrell Arthur weren’t accused of being intoxicated.

I assume being booted out of a transition program is a large enough accusation.

Thanks for the description, AP.

Either way, it’s a shocking reality, an inerasable NBA culture that will never be completely eradicated.

Matter of fact, Wilt Chamberlain (shockingly a Kansas alum himself), boasted that he had sex with 20,000 women.

“Yes that’s correct, twenty thousand different ladies,” he says in his book A View From Above, “At my age, that equals out to having sex with 1.2 women a day, every day since I was fifteen years old.”

And so we gape in wonderment at these kids' lifestyles.

But for the moment, Bill Self is counting his stacks, stacking his millions, as the NBA rookie transition program introduces a new book – A View From Above.

First Game. Feel that?

Orange jerseys, shirts, caps, banners dotted what seemed like only a small partisan crowd among the tailgaters.

School hadn’t started, and many students were probably missing what could be the second best game of the year.

But expectations weren’t so high.

Yet the hot dogs were cooking, its aroma instantly reminding what time of year it was. College football season.

Feel that?

It did take nearly two hours to find ourselves in what would become a raucous Den, facing the mid-afternoon sun.

It was the first game –and it was nationally televised.

How often does that happen at UCLA?

I wouldn’t miss a ranked opponent, specifically one from the trash-talking SEC Conference, attempt to bully its way into the Rose Bowl.

Honestly, my expectations of this UCLA football team, and its offense in particular, were quite miniscule, seeing that its offensive line was thrown together last minute, with inexperienced surfers and random Samoans joining forces to protect Kahlil Bell and a jittery quarterback.

That jittery quarterback – Kevin Craft - whose only success was throwing at junior college, lofted the ball as if throwing to Goliath – twice, flat out passed to the Tennessee secondary once, and threw one that was taken to the wrong endzone – for four interceptions – all in a half of play.
By halftime, everyone was calling for his head.

I headed out to get myself some expensive hot dogs to make myself feel better before the nightmare ended.

It was quite ugly.

And when this team of midgets (a Pee Wee League squad) took the field and when its quarterback threw darts across the field, we harshly declared him better than this Kevin Craft guy.

But that was just the first half of play.

Armed with perhaps the best coaching staff in the nation – DeWayne Walker, Rick Neuheisel, and Norm Chow, the game plan in the second half dramatically differed from that of the first.

I did expect the defense to execute with quickness and brutality, and they did so for the most part, getting into the heads of the best offensive line in the country, which was flagged for at least five false starts.

With mastermind Norm Chow calling out the shots, quick drops and quick pitches resulted in fresh sets of downs, and the Bruins finally effectively moved the ball. Craft completed 18 of 25 in the second half for nearly 200 yards.

Nothing was more impressive, however, than the two-minute drill he ran, as UCLA marched down the field with their back-up tight end, freshman running back, and wideouts with no game-experience.
And as Craft pounded the ball into the endzone, the Den roared. Gangsters embraced nerds. Jocks jumped on other jocks. Drunk women kissed ugly men. I hugged men.

Pandemonium.

Feel that?

The greatest victory since December 2, 2006.

So perhaps that brash advertisement declaring that the “football monopoly in LA is over,” may very well signify something.

Or that the footsteps USC is hearing are rising up into crescendo, increasing by the minute.

It certainly was a noisy entrance for a new era of UCLA football.

Feel that?

Movie Review: Tropic Thunder

Booty Sweat.

An African-American rapper named Alpa Chino.

An Aussie named Lazarus so consumed in his role that when he surgically turns himself into a black man (think the anti-Michael Jackson procedure), he becomes almost delusional, going out of character into a profanity-spewing black man.

He says, “I don’t break character until the DVD commentary.”

Yes, his performance is memorable, but he’s gruff to this point where his monologues need subtitles.

Among his wild antics, he cries out that he’s a “lead farmer” and that “I don’t read the script. The script reads me.”

His character is so absurd that they created a real fake site for the fake Kirk Lazarus at http://www.kirklazarus.com/.

But what really makes this movie shine at times is its examination into race, skin color, and the quite blatant stupidity of Hollywood.

In a brilliant exchange between Alpa Chino and Lazarus (Downey, Jr.), Lazarus, who is still within his character as a black man, asks Tugg Speedman (Ben Stiller), “What do you mean, ‘you people?’”

Alpa Chino interrupts, and says “What do you mean, ‘you people?’”

Kirk Lazarus, now confused, says, “What?”

Not only does this mock actors who think they are their characters (Russell Crowe), but it also mocks those who flash the race card.

Tropic Thunder, however, limps along at a horrendously slow pace.

Ben Stiller’s Simple Jack is more than a little disturbing, as less than funny insults are hurled toward the wrong direction.

Otherwise, Jack Black is all you can expect, a crack-addict, who thinks that by tying himself to a tree, he'd get over his withdrawal. One-liners, here they come.

Had it not been for on-point cameo performances by Tom Cruise and Matthew McConaughey, the movie may have landed in a pile with other summer comedy flops.

One plays an f-word spewing executive, while one plays a submissive Tivo deliver and personal agent.

Let’s just say one of these actors may have very well saved his spiraling career.

In the end, Lazarus confirms that “I’m just a dude playing a dude pretending to be another dude.”

This extreme mockery of the Hollywood hierarchy, directed by one who had disappeared into its depths in his own right, once again pops up again in another silly directorial event.

Olympics

“The whole field is covered with the greatest athletes in the world,” he said. “There’s no greater place on earth. I’ve never been part of something this big before.”

Seemingly with the globalization, this divine, subliminal unity found within the confines of the Beijing Olympic Village, has smudged or in some cases, erased common sense.

Kobe Bryant has opened up to the idea of expanding his game to his boyhood home in Italy, where he schooled pizzamen and pastamen alike.

Bryant can opt out of his 2010-2011 option and can chase his $50 million dollars.

Sound familiar?

He also says that the gold medal is “way bigger” than any one of his rings.

And with all the comparisons between he and Jordan, and the latter’s subsequent failure as a GM, may it be wise for Bryant to pursue such a coup?

But then, Bryant would just brush these comparisons off like he brushes off the significance of an NBA title in light of the Olympics.

Sound familiar?

Chris Kaman feels he isn’t getting enough support from the Clippers in his endeavors to play for Germany.

What Olympic fever.

Sound familiar?

“We are going to smash the Americans.”

A great number of foreign countries, including the French, headed by Alain Bernard, have let off some interesting sound bites, calling out the Americans.

Sound familiar?

With that said, they had everything to lose as the supposed favorites heading into the 4X100 relay.

This time, they failed in great due to an improbable comeback from Jason Lezak, who swam a record 46.06 seconds.

But for now, this Olympic fever has us hearing only that resounding overture.

“USA! USA! USA!”

Sound familiar?

Indeed.

Pineapple Express: A Review

Let’s be blunt.

Stoner movies have repetitively run the same storyline.

Two men love weed.

They smoke it.

They get high, think they have women, meander the streets looking for trouble. Eventually they find that drugs aren’t their only escape from their pathetic lives.

Then they find themselves.

In the end. With each other.

(All of this is usually more graphic, but I practice restraint).

Case in point, Pineapple Express can be no more than a Stepbrother movie with weed, right?

Especially with the likes of Seth Rogen and a seemingly out-of-place James Franco.

After all, the flick is named after rare marijuana that by smoking it, is like “killing a unicorn.”

Franco and Rogen do have an odd chemistry that is at times “flabbergasting” and “weird,” especially when Franco says that antagonist Jones will “hunt them with heat-seeking missiles and barracudas.”

The cluelessness of the pair contribute to the situationally ironic set, and with Danny “thug life” McBride – the ball bouncing, bong throwing, telephone-toilet saving, ashtray smashing dope dealer comes a gun-ho Daewoo man-slaughterer that truly makes the three a dynamic trio.

The incorporation of exploding barns, underground weed cafes, and blind car chases, capped by inexplicable decision-making in between, gives Pineapple Express the ride that won’t be soon forgotten.

And unlike Stepbrothers, at least the characters aren’t five-year-olds taking a hit on that Pineapple Express.

Manny

How do you describe Manny Ramirez?

You’ve heard some of the more flamboyant (LeBron), Aristotle-esque (Shaq) or pathetic (Leaf) sound bites over the past decade.

These people are in a class all by themselves.

You’ve also heard that Manny was recently traded to the Dodgers.

A last resort move on paper, the Dodger’s anemic offense probably needed someone like Ramirez, whose personality certainly makes him look like a crazed barbarian on a team that features a stoned-faced Joe Torre, an isolated Jeff Kent, and an ashamed Andruw Jones.

It’s probably an injecting of HGH more than anything.

Remember, this guy is in a class all by himself.

So as you may also well know, Manny is notorious for rash comments with the media, who he enjoys toying with as much as he does with his teammates.

His talent is Hall-worthy, an he's already tallied a homer in his second day as a Dodger.

However, he’s been criticized for his actions yet has always escaped due to his popularity in Boston and his infamous excuse,

“It’s just Manny being Manny.”

And as Manny was introduced (please do remember he suggested he be traded for Brett Favre during this whole fiasco), he offered more of his Manny insight.

First of all, about the media?

“I’m going to do my own telenovela. I’ll make it commercial-free so people can concentrate on watching me.”

About Joe Torre, the former manager of his just-removed bitter rival?

“I’ll let you know in a month.”

About the Green Monster, the left field façade in Boston where he notoriously took his nap between innings and used the urinal?

“We’re going to build one here.”

And as decisive, ironic, or ridiculous he sounds, he couldn’t make up his mind on what number he was going to wear.

So the Dodgers gave him 99.

Remember, his mind wanders in the depths of the most distant galaxy.

Let’s just hope it resides here for a few hours every night.

Muse, Money, Babies

Paul Pierce calls himself the "best player on the planet."

And when Kobe’s name is brought up?

Kobe? Who?

What up, blood? Paul Pierce, please. You’re from Lynwood.

And like the competitive person he is, figure-tively, LeBron welcomes another to his pool party.

Gilbert Arenas has built a million dollar pool and a mural that can compete with that of LeBron’s ostentatious rooftop proclamation.

And so LeBron retaliates by giving each USA teammate a pair of hi-def headphones.

Too bad Gilbert didn’t get one.

And too bad LeBron’s making much money and publicity by making his generous contribution.

Shame on me.

I don’t know, but I think a topless Tony Parker is particularly disturbing…

On the topic of disturbing, Shawn Kemp has gotten a new contract in Italy.

No, not to breed babies. Surprisingly.

He’s to play basketball. Professionally. Merda Santa!

The babies are calling. Not to mention the women.

They’ve gotten quite big yet they’ve retained his hops. Who know’s how many will sprout up from Italia?

So Darren McFadden’s idol is out to set the standard once again.

Stepbrothers: A Review

Perhaps a movie is produced where you were to watch 5-year-olds on screen cement their hatred only to find love entangled within their abyss of childishness.

Too cliche, no?

How about inserting Will Ferrell and John Reilly?

Sexy? Definitely not.

I'll be the first to admit I'm not too attracted to nutsack waving men. Or boys for that matter.

Funny? At times.

Crude? Yes.

Classless? Definitely.

These 40 -year-old boys act like 5-year-olds, and in true form, take a beating from playground dwelling inhabitants. Right on cue.

This movie, though it has some creative one-liners, which are more absurd than anything, borders the immaturity of low British humor.

Dale Doback (Reily) and Brennan Huff (Ferrell) fight for territory after their parents get married. Like. You guessed. Five-year-olds.

Their cluelessness, or witlessness, makes Stepbrothers a one-joke movie.

Are there laughs? Definitely.

But for a good reason? Perhaps you should examine yourself before anything.

Repetitively pelted with immaturity and sexual crassness, this Will Ferrell directed flop lands somewhere in the lower section of Talledega Nights and hell.

Perhaps something's a bit wrong with that.

Meanwhile, we can all continue to watch 5-year-olds duke it out on screen.

USA Basketball

Dwayne Wade for LeBron?

A fair replacement I suppose, considering the fact that the opponent was Canada.

Not much was expected of Wade, who just returned from injury.

Unlike the NBA, international rules allow for clawing and grabbing that most NBA refs would not hesitate to blow.

But the United States used the rule to the best of their capacities, forcing 24 Canadian turnovers.

That facilitated the team to fly down the court and leave discombobulated Canadians in their wake.

Perhaps the most intriguing aspect of the game is the battle for the number two point guard position with the winner likely to get the starting opportunity in Beijing.

Chris Paul and Deron Williams each made spectacular plays that screamed for Mister Mike to sit down Jason Kidd and throw him in a suit instead. Perhaps that won't be so bad considering the fact that Paul and Williams made poor Jermaine Anderson look like a discombobulated college walk on.

Perhaps even more interesting was the fact that Carl English called out Kobe.

And of course Kobe and the rest slapped and toyed with the Canadians.

At the end of the game it became a matter of margin of victory.

I guess it's all interesting.

And well, I admit I'm happy at least he's healthy. For the moment.

The Dark Knight: A Review

A joker.

A businessman. Dressed in spandex.

A movie based on the frivolities of a comic book series.

Yet it isn't what it seems.

The Dark Knight transcends the played out comic book to big screen catastrophe.

Instead, it's an exploration into crime, psychology, history and social order.

An ageless Michael Cain plays a flawless Alfred Pennyworth, offering insight that goes beyond the battle between good and evil.

He tells him to know his limits.

He doesn’t listen.

“Batman has no limits.”

But Alfred persists.

“Some men aren't looking for anything logical. They can't be bought, bullied, reasoned or negotiated with. Some men just want to watch the world burn.”

That man, played by the late Heath Ledger, believes “whatever doesn't kill you simply makes you stranger.”

He's a sadistic serial murderer, he who takes pleasure in questioning, “why so serious?” before carving a grin into his victims.

This isn’t any Clinique-wearing clown.

He’s the joker, who fittingly mocks social order and the subsequent absurdity of attempting to uphold it in spite of chaos.

Amidst the twisted metal, rappelled bodies, explosions, there is a sentimentality secreted in the frenetic.
Its rapid fire is complemented by a reverberating score from the brilliant Hans Zimmer.

Haunting and tragic, The Dark Knight soars on the wings of its clandestine hero, yet resounds with a triumphant declaration, rising into a deafening crescendo.

And so you question why so serious?

Perhaps directing the question to Batman would merit a sufficient response.

He is unlimited. Isn't he?

A new kind of Brand: Love?

Kevin Love's life has been seemingly served on a silver platter.

A father who had played collegiately and professionally.

A former coach who had two consecutive (now three) Final Four runs.

An uncle a member of the Beach Boys.

He's enjoyed his fair share of limelight, though he didn't get much recognition in Oregon, even when he was in high school. At times, the Oregeonian papers shuned him for his self-first mentality because of his gaudy stats.

But that's why he exudes a self-confidence and maybe that's why he carries just a small chip on his shoulder.

In this age, where athleticism is coveted above all else, even skill set, fundamentally sound basketball players are seemingly in the shadow of those players' shadows.

The media will tell you what he's not.

He's not the best athlete. But he's lost fifteen pounds. And improved his vertical leap. It's 35 inches, believe it or not, as high as Michael Beasley's.

He's not the best shooter. He has yet to make one in summer league play. Yet he still scored 26 points and grabbed 10 offensive rebounds (15 total) in an 88-78 victory over the Trailblazers Thursday.

He's not the strongest. But he's capable of doing this.

He's not the quickest. But he can make your offense all the more quicker.

He's been compared to a "poor man's" Elton Brand. All those comparisons are unjustified.

Just look at what he can do.

*Newsflash Lorenzo Mata commits 6 fouls in 21 minutes while committing 5 turnovers.

**Breaking News Davon Jefferson plays 11 minutes in first summer league game.

In response to a comment of a fellow blogger, I do inherently see the good in people, but it does get redundant to hear superfluous praise, doesn't it? No? Then call me a cynic.

From the cover into your covers

You’ve seen the commercials. The ones with lightning-paced action. Darren McFadden running past, around, over digitalized defenders.

McFadden has compiled enough. 4,590 rushing yards and 43 total touchdowns in his three year stint with the Razorbacks.

And rightly so, he’s been chosen to grace the cover of the latest EA Sports release. Given his performance.

The following season he will join the hapless Oakland Raiders.

It’s a good thing that he isn’t on the Bengals. But who knows? The Raiders might become the Bengals with this addition.

Over the past two years, more than twelve Bengals have been arrested, including arrests for improper exhibition of firearms, possession of a concealed firearm, aggravated assault with a firearm. Otherwise, these cats are vandalizing, burglarizing, grand theft-izing, stealing from teammates, resisting arrest, smoking weed in front of a cop, and UI-ing on anything that moves.

Chris Henry spreads arrests like Travis Henry with AIDs.

McFadden has been in the same quandary.

The Escalade magically conjuring on his driveway, a few barfights involving shoes and marijuana.

What’s missing is a child here or there.

McFadden has a children sprouting around the hemisphere. Before we mark him as the Shawn Kemp of football, I guess we’ll let his game speak for itself.

Until then, we’ll wait for the Raiders to become the Bengals.

And about the game, there aren’t many tweaks to the gameplay and it gets quite drab. I find it much more fun to play as myself. My 6’ 10” self.

*NEWSFLASH Lorenzo Mata scores 12 points in summer league victory over Minnesota Timberwolves. Did he score that many last season? I’ll get back to you… He did manage to pick up five fouls. But that’s nothing new. Oh, and the sea lion also managed to pull down 17 boards. It’s fun to watch Kevin Love waddle around the court.