Movie Review: Tropic Thunder

Booty Sweat.

An African-American rapper named Alpa Chino.

An Aussie named Lazarus so consumed in his role that when he surgically turns himself into a black man (think the anti-Michael Jackson procedure), he becomes almost delusional, going out of character into a profanity-spewing black man.

He says, “I don’t break character until the DVD commentary.”

Yes, his performance is memorable, but he’s gruff to this point where his monologues need subtitles.

Among his wild antics, he cries out that he’s a “lead farmer” and that “I don’t read the script. The script reads me.”

His character is so absurd that they created a real fake site for the fake Kirk Lazarus at http://www.kirklazarus.com/.

But what really makes this movie shine at times is its examination into race, skin color, and the quite blatant stupidity of Hollywood.

In a brilliant exchange between Alpa Chino and Lazarus (Downey, Jr.), Lazarus, who is still within his character as a black man, asks Tugg Speedman (Ben Stiller), “What do you mean, ‘you people?’”

Alpa Chino interrupts, and says “What do you mean, ‘you people?’”

Kirk Lazarus, now confused, says, “What?”

Not only does this mock actors who think they are their characters (Russell Crowe), but it also mocks those who flash the race card.

Tropic Thunder, however, limps along at a horrendously slow pace.

Ben Stiller’s Simple Jack is more than a little disturbing, as less than funny insults are hurled toward the wrong direction.

Otherwise, Jack Black is all you can expect, a crack-addict, who thinks that by tying himself to a tree, he'd get over his withdrawal. One-liners, here they come.

Had it not been for on-point cameo performances by Tom Cruise and Matthew McConaughey, the movie may have landed in a pile with other summer comedy flops.

One plays an f-word spewing executive, while one plays a submissive Tivo deliver and personal agent.

Let’s just say one of these actors may have very well saved his spiraling career.

In the end, Lazarus confirms that “I’m just a dude playing a dude pretending to be another dude.”

This extreme mockery of the Hollywood hierarchy, directed by one who had disappeared into its depths in his own right, once again pops up again in another silly directorial event.

Olympics

“The whole field is covered with the greatest athletes in the world,” he said. “There’s no greater place on earth. I’ve never been part of something this big before.”

Seemingly with the globalization, this divine, subliminal unity found within the confines of the Beijing Olympic Village, has smudged or in some cases, erased common sense.

Kobe Bryant has opened up to the idea of expanding his game to his boyhood home in Italy, where he schooled pizzamen and pastamen alike.

Bryant can opt out of his 2010-2011 option and can chase his $50 million dollars.

Sound familiar?

He also says that the gold medal is “way bigger” than any one of his rings.

And with all the comparisons between he and Jordan, and the latter’s subsequent failure as a GM, may it be wise for Bryant to pursue such a coup?

But then, Bryant would just brush these comparisons off like he brushes off the significance of an NBA title in light of the Olympics.

Sound familiar?

Chris Kaman feels he isn’t getting enough support from the Clippers in his endeavors to play for Germany.

What Olympic fever.

Sound familiar?

“We are going to smash the Americans.”

A great number of foreign countries, including the French, headed by Alain Bernard, have let off some interesting sound bites, calling out the Americans.

Sound familiar?

With that said, they had everything to lose as the supposed favorites heading into the 4X100 relay.

This time, they failed in great due to an improbable comeback from Jason Lezak, who swam a record 46.06 seconds.

But for now, this Olympic fever has us hearing only that resounding overture.

“USA! USA! USA!”

Sound familiar?

Indeed.

Pineapple Express: A Review

Let’s be blunt.

Stoner movies have repetitively run the same storyline.

Two men love weed.

They smoke it.

They get high, think they have women, meander the streets looking for trouble. Eventually they find that drugs aren’t their only escape from their pathetic lives.

Then they find themselves.

In the end. With each other.

(All of this is usually more graphic, but I practice restraint).

Case in point, Pineapple Express can be no more than a Stepbrother movie with weed, right?

Especially with the likes of Seth Rogen and a seemingly out-of-place James Franco.

After all, the flick is named after rare marijuana that by smoking it, is like “killing a unicorn.”

Franco and Rogen do have an odd chemistry that is at times “flabbergasting” and “weird,” especially when Franco says that antagonist Jones will “hunt them with heat-seeking missiles and barracudas.”

The cluelessness of the pair contribute to the situationally ironic set, and with Danny “thug life” McBride – the ball bouncing, bong throwing, telephone-toilet saving, ashtray smashing dope dealer comes a gun-ho Daewoo man-slaughterer that truly makes the three a dynamic trio.

The incorporation of exploding barns, underground weed cafes, and blind car chases, capped by inexplicable decision-making in between, gives Pineapple Express the ride that won’t be soon forgotten.

And unlike Stepbrothers, at least the characters aren’t five-year-olds taking a hit on that Pineapple Express.

Manny

How do you describe Manny Ramirez?

You’ve heard some of the more flamboyant (LeBron), Aristotle-esque (Shaq) or pathetic (Leaf) sound bites over the past decade.

These people are in a class all by themselves.

You’ve also heard that Manny was recently traded to the Dodgers.

A last resort move on paper, the Dodger’s anemic offense probably needed someone like Ramirez, whose personality certainly makes him look like a crazed barbarian on a team that features a stoned-faced Joe Torre, an isolated Jeff Kent, and an ashamed Andruw Jones.

It’s probably an injecting of HGH more than anything.

Remember, this guy is in a class all by himself.

So as you may also well know, Manny is notorious for rash comments with the media, who he enjoys toying with as much as he does with his teammates.

His talent is Hall-worthy, an he's already tallied a homer in his second day as a Dodger.

However, he’s been criticized for his actions yet has always escaped due to his popularity in Boston and his infamous excuse,

“It’s just Manny being Manny.”

And as Manny was introduced (please do remember he suggested he be traded for Brett Favre during this whole fiasco), he offered more of his Manny insight.

First of all, about the media?

“I’m going to do my own telenovela. I’ll make it commercial-free so people can concentrate on watching me.”

About Joe Torre, the former manager of his just-removed bitter rival?

“I’ll let you know in a month.”

About the Green Monster, the left field façade in Boston where he notoriously took his nap between innings and used the urinal?

“We’re going to build one here.”

And as decisive, ironic, or ridiculous he sounds, he couldn’t make up his mind on what number he was going to wear.

So the Dodgers gave him 99.

Remember, his mind wanders in the depths of the most distant galaxy.

Let’s just hope it resides here for a few hours every night.