Manny

How do you describe Manny Ramirez?

You’ve heard some of the more flamboyant (LeBron), Aristotle-esque (Shaq) or pathetic (Leaf) sound bites over the past decade.

These people are in a class all by themselves.

You’ve also heard that Manny was recently traded to the Dodgers.

A last resort move on paper, the Dodger’s anemic offense probably needed someone like Ramirez, whose personality certainly makes him look like a crazed barbarian on a team that features a stoned-faced Joe Torre, an isolated Jeff Kent, and an ashamed Andruw Jones.

It’s probably an injecting of HGH more than anything.

Remember, this guy is in a class all by himself.

So as you may also well know, Manny is notorious for rash comments with the media, who he enjoys toying with as much as he does with his teammates.

His talent is Hall-worthy, an he's already tallied a homer in his second day as a Dodger.

However, he’s been criticized for his actions yet has always escaped due to his popularity in Boston and his infamous excuse,

“It’s just Manny being Manny.”

And as Manny was introduced (please do remember he suggested he be traded for Brett Favre during this whole fiasco), he offered more of his Manny insight.

First of all, about the media?

“I’m going to do my own telenovela. I’ll make it commercial-free so people can concentrate on watching me.”

About Joe Torre, the former manager of his just-removed bitter rival?

“I’ll let you know in a month.”

About the Green Monster, the left field façade in Boston where he notoriously took his nap between innings and used the urinal?

“We’re going to build one here.”

And as decisive, ironic, or ridiculous he sounds, he couldn’t make up his mind on what number he was going to wear.

So the Dodgers gave him 99.

Remember, his mind wanders in the depths of the most distant galaxy.

Let’s just hope it resides here for a few hours every night.